


Darkness and Silence. Mostly Silence.

by laughter_now



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 05:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughter_now/pseuds/laughter_now
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence." Leonard learns that space is indeed dangerous and dark. But most of all, space is silent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness and Silence. Mostly Silence.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything associated to the Star Trek franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Written for the prompt "Loss of Hearing" in the hurt/comfort-bingo. First posted to my lj on August 11th, 2010.

**Darkness and Silence. Mostly Silence.**  
  
  
Leonard couldn't breathe.  
  
His brain was giving all the appropriate commands, impulses shooting through his nerves and firing along his synapses in a way that would have lit up the screen of the large monitor in Medical in a multitude of colored flashes had he been lying in the scanning chamber right now, but still he couldn't breathe. His mouth was open, trying to gasp in air, but all that escaped his lips was a keening sound, and still no oxygen actually made it into his burning lungs.  
  
He couldn't breathe.  
  
Everything started to blur around him, the chain of events that had brought them here flashing in front of his eyes as he frantically tried to figure out where things had gone wrong, tried to pinpoint the exact moment when this nightmare had detached itself from reality, because if there was one thing he was absolutely sure of, then that this could not be real. This could not be happening. It _wasn't_ happening.  
  
It didn't happen that Enterprise was asked to oversee peace negotiations, and then one of the clashing factions was so pissed off by the conditions Jim had negotiated that they tried to chase them off again. And it damn well didn't happen that those blue-skinned Caparthian bastards from one of the conflicting factions went ahead and manipulated a frigging Starfleet shuttle just because they were pissed over losing some territory, even if it meant a step towards peace on their damn planet.  
  
Leonard had had a bad feeling right from the start when Jim had been held back by one of the Caparthian delegates while the rest of the away team had taken the first shuttle back to Enterprise. He still didn't know why _he_ had lingered. Probably for no other reason other than that staying with Jim was always instinct, and hardly ever a conscious decision.  
  
In hindsight, it had been pretty damn obvious that Jim had been held back on purpose. Some of the Caparthians had done their best to make sure that Jim was on this particular shuttle.  
  
 _Why_ they had wanted that had become clear pretty damn soon after takeoff.  
  
The first alarms had started to sound once they breached atmosphere. And while that had been bad, bad enough for Leonard to grip the armrests of his seat so tightly that he thought he was going to snap a bone or two, watching Jim had been infinitely worse. The urgency with which Jim moved his fingers across the consoles increased with every second that passed, and it seemed that with every command he entered, another alarm started to sound in the small cockpit. Leonard wasn't soon going to forget the ferocity and determination in Jim's eyes as he finally turned towards the passenger seat, or the way his next words had made his blood run cold.  
  
"Put on the EV suit."  
  
At that moment it hadn't been Jim talking to Bones, it had been Captain Kirk giving a clear and undisputable order to one of his officers, an order that left absolutely no room for discussion. And though he had already felt the first paralyzing tendrils of fear crawl down his spine, Leonard had followed that order before his brain even had the chance to process what exactly it was Jim was asking of him.  
  
The following minute was one Leonard wanted to erase from his memory forever, if only he could. Instead of the thorough check and double check of the suit's functions that had been drilled into them at the Academy, Jim had all but pushed Leonard into the airlock as soon as they had pulled the suits on. Jim only took enough time to check the seal of both their helmets and the airflow before he punched a code into the console, the air was sucked out of the airlock around them and they were catapulted out of the shuttle and into the vast emptiness of space.  
  
 _Space._  
  
Leonard was floating in space, and all that separated him from its icy darkness and certain death was the thin material of his EV suit and helmet. Jim must have done something to give them momentum, because they were spinning around, and as they turned and spun Leonard could see that they were moving away from the shuttle.   
  
The second he looked, the second he realized that Jim had pushed them out of that airlock on a hunch when there was a perfectly good shuttle drifting farther and farther away from them, the second he drew breath for a tirade about moronic, brainless idiots of a Captain that was sure bound to make whoever was going to review the mission communication logs blush in absolute shame, the shuttle exploded.  
  
A distant part of his brain registered that an explosion in space was different than anything Leonard had ever seen. He was rarely up on the Bridge during firefights, and even compared to the things he had seen there, this was…it was something entirely different from an explosion somewhere where there was an atmosphere. The flare was bright and short lived, there was no debris raining down on them, no shockwave, and most of all, it was silent.  
  
Space, Leonard realized with a sudden renewed stab of fear, was silent. It was empty and dark, and not a single sound reached his ears but the gasping and keening of his desperate attempts to draw air that echoed hollowly in his helmet.   
He should have been able to at least hear Jim, should be able to hear his voice over the comm system in their helmets, but either Jim wasn't talking or the thing was broken, because all he heard was silence. Vast, all-encompassing silence.  
  
And he still couldn't breathe.  
  
Something spun him around them, turning him away from the remnants of the shuttle, and for a second all Leonard could see was _black_. There was nothing but space around him, only a few stars giving off feeble light which wasn't helping because Leonard _knew_ they were billions of miles away. And there was nothing between him and those stars, no air, no firm ground, nothing but this emptiness through which he was spinning and twirling without a sense of up or down.  
  
He felt it, at that moment, his own insignificance at the enormity of space all around him, and it paralyzed him, froze every single muscle in his body and blurred the edges of his vision as the realization crushed his chest together, pushing even the last bit of breath out of his lungs.  
  
Then all he could see was Jim.  
  
Jim must have spun him around, because suddenly he was floating right in front of him, holding on tightly with both hands on Leonard's arms, so tightly that he could feel the pressure of Jim's gloved fingers through the thin – _so very thin, much too thin_ – material of his suit. Jim filled his entire vision, and though the stars still reflected off the visor of Jim's helmet, the sight of Jim's face so close to his own calmed him a little. Jim. If there had ever been something that grounded Leonard, even while suspended in his worst nightmare, it was Jim. Jim always found a way out of whatever crap was thrown at them. Leonard was convinced that somehow, Jim was going to get them out of here, even though the edges of Leonard's vision were still blurring and he was feeling more and more lightheaded.  
  
Jim's lips were moving behind the protective shield of his visor, but Leonard couldn't hear the words over the pounding of blood in his own ears. And it was wrong, because apparently Jim wanted him to pay attention, trying to shake him by his shoulders even though they were still drifting through empty space and all that was holding them together was Jim's bruising grip on his arms.  
  
It was wrong, because Leonard _should_ be able to hear Jim. He should be able to hear Jim's voice through the comm system of their suits, but all he could see was the frantic movement of Jim's lips.  
  
 _Bones_  
  
Jim was calling his name, loudly if the expression on his face was anything to judge by, and Leonard realized that even if he couldn't hear Jim, he could read the words from his lips if only he focused enough through the hazy clouds that were starting to obscure his vision.  
  
Jim shook him again, a strange sensation in the vacuum of space, and Leonard frantically blinked to keep Jim's face in focus. If only Jim kept talking, then it would give him something to focus on, something to hold on to while they were floating through the emptiness of space.   
  
_Bones_  
  
Leonard nodded, in the hope that Jim was going to understand it to mean that he was listening. It was so hard to keep his head straight right now.  
  
 _Breathe!_  
  
Leonard had the distinct feeling that the exclamation was followed by a bunch of curses, but he was too dizzy to notice anything beyond the most obvious words. Jim wanted him to breathe. As if it was that easy. He _couldn't_ breathe. It felt like something was cutting off his airways and crushing his lungs at the same time. You couldn't breathe in space, everyone knew that.  
  
But then one of Jim's hands let go of his arms - _nonono, what are you doing, don't let go, don't you dare let me go now_ \- and settled against his chest, and even though Leonard knew it was impossible, he could swear that the touch was radiating warmth through his EV suit and against his chest.  
  
 _Breathe!_  
  
It was easier said than done when he had been desperately gasping for air ever since Jim had shoved them out of that airlock, but if Jim told him to breathe, then Leonard was damn well going to breathe. At least he could try.  
  
His throat still felt tight, and if Jim could hear him over the comm, then the wheezing had to scare the crap out of him, but he managed to draw some oxygen into his burning lungs. Just a little, and the dizzy feeling in his head seemed to increase instead of abate, but it was better than not breathing and dying out here in space, without firm ground under his feet. Breath by breath, he managed to finally convince his lungs that yes, oxygen was a necessity, and he needed more of it than he had been getting for the past minutes. And while Leonard was gasping as if he was only just learning how to do it, Jim's hand never once moved away from his chest.  
  
Leonard kept his eyes locked on Jim's, and while he couldn't read lips well enough to understand everything Jim was saying, he could almost hear the soothing murmur in his ear as he struggled to do something as normal as breathing.  
  
He had no idea how long it took, but eventually Jim's hand left his chest and returned to grip his arm, and Jim stopped his silent litany to smile encouragingly at him.  
  
 _That's it._  
  
Jim looked at him as if he was expecting an answer, and even though he had read the words from Jim's lips, his comm still wasn't working. Frantically, Leonard tried to remember what he had learned during the emergency training at the Academy. Not that those instructors had ever told them something useful, like what the hell you were supposed to do if a rebel group blew up your goddamn shuttle and you ended up drifting through space, but he knew there were standard hand-signs they had been trained in for just that purpose.  
  
Leonard couldn't remember a single one of them.  
  
Screw that. He and Jim had never needed standardized means to understand one another. He raised one arm, carefully, as if any sudden movements might tear the all-too thin fabric separating him from certain death, and brought it up to his helmet. Tapping the helmet above his ear, he shook his head in an exaggerated movement. Jim's eyes widened, then he nodded. Releasing one of Leonard's arms, Jim made a slow gesture with his hand, palm down, hand moving up and down in a gesture that didn't need much interpretation.  
  
 _Calm down._  
  
It sounded so easy, but Leonard found that if he only kept his eyes on Jim and tried to ignore the fact that they were drifting through space, it worked. At least a little. He nodded slowly to tell Jim that he understood, and that he was working on it. Trying to, at least. Jim looked at him for a few long moments, gaze intense even through the shield of his visor, and Leonard was doing his best to not to let the gut-wrenching fear he felt show on his face. It took a moment, but eventually Jim gave a nod and repeated the _calm down_ gesture once more. He pointed at the red and blue globe of Caparthia over Leonard's left shoulder, then made a circling motion with his arm.  
  
Leonard didn't get it. He shook his head and Jim repeated the motion, but whatever Jim was trying to tell him didn't become any clearer the second time around, either. With one hand against Leonard's helmet, Jim forced him to look straight at his face as he tried to enunciate what he was trying to tell Leonard as clearly as possible. And really, it was just one word, a word he had heard and seen Jim say so often that he'd have recognized it immediately even without the exaggerated lip movement.  
  
 _Enterprise_  
  
Jim repeated the circular motion and suddenly Leonard understood – Enterprise was in orbit around Caparthia, and the ship's sensors had undoubtedly picked up the explosion. If there was one thing that was going to bring them here as quickly as possible, then it was the explosion of the shuttle Jim was supposed to be aboard of. The crew was going to come and pick them up. They were probably on their way already. All they had to do was wait for them to come.  
  
He gave Jim a thumbs-up to show that he had understood, but there must have been something on his face, something in his expression that tipped Jim off to the fact that underneath that fragile façade, Leonard was still as panicked as he had been the moment Jim had ejected them out of the airlock. His hands gripped Leonard's shoulders more tightly, and only when Leonard realized that Jim was trying to pull then closer together did he struggle against the movement, shaking his head determinedly.  
  
He couldn't care less if whoever was going to pick them up would find them locked in an embrace. But if Jim pulled him closer, Leonard wouldn't be able to see him anymore, and right now he was convinced that Jim's face and the continuous eye-contact were the only thing that was holding him together.  
  
Hearing Jim's voice would really help right now. Just hearing him say his name would go a long way to getting him to calm down, and for as long as he couldn't have that, he needed to _see_ Jim in order to believe that they were going to get out of this.  
  
Jim didn't get it though, Leonard could tell. His poker face had never really fooled Leonard, and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, Leonard could still see the hurt flash in his eyes.  
  
Damn it.  
  
Digging both his hands into Jim's shoulders, Leonard gave him a small shake. This was insane. They didn't have that kind of discussions on a normal day, and they absolutely didn't have that kind of discussion while floating in space with their comms dead. Jim struggled to force his face into a neutral mask again, but Leonard was damn well going to give him an explanation, even though it would have to be a crude one thanks to their circumstances.  
  
Once he was sure that he had Jim's full attention, Leonard reluctantly lifted his hand from Jim's shoulder. First he tapped his helmet above his ear again and shook his head.  
  
 _I can't hear you._  
  
Jim frowned and gave a small nod, his lips forming the words _I know_. Leonard nodded, pointing his finger first at his own eyes, then at Jim's, repeating the motion while he tried to clearly enunciate the one word Jim had to understand.  
  
 _I **need** to see you._  
  
It took a few seconds, but then suddenly Jim's eyes widened as he got it. He nodded frantically a few times and pulled them closer together so that the visors of their helmets nearly touched. It was a bit harder to read Jim's lips up this close, but the illusion of proximity more than made up for that.  
  
 _Okay_ Jim's lips formed, slowly and clearly. _It's okay. I've got you._  
  
They were still floating in space, and it was more of a rhetoric promise than anything else, but still Leonard felt a little better for it because now at least Jim understood. Jim kept at it, too, repeating the same words over and over again. Leonard was sure that if only he could hear Jim right now, his voice would have that low and soothing tone it always took on when he was trying to radiate calm. It was somewhat reassuring to know that, but it would be so much better to actually be able to _hear_ it.  
  
Still, other than having his feet firmly on real ground, keeping eye-contact with Jim was the next best thing to giving him at least a small semblance of being grounded. He must have calmed noticeably, because after maybe a minute of drifting through space like this, Jim brought up a hand to the side of Leonard's visor, as if he was trying to cup his cheek, and smiled at him.  
  
 _I love you._  
  
Right then and there, Leonard didn't know whether that was supposed to reassure him, or whether he should give in to the sudden urge to punch the other man. Because really, who else but Jim? Leonard couldn't think of anyone who'd struggle as hard with saying these three words – never with showing that he meant it, though, but struggling ever so hard with _saying_ those words sometimes – and still manage to try and turn floating through space into a come-on.  
  
Only Jim.  
  
Jim smirked in reaction to Leonard's enormous eye-roll, but then his eyes focused on something above Leonard's shoulder and he pointed towards it.  
  
 _Look!_  
  
Leonard barely had the time to read the word from Jim's lips before he felt himself being turned around in Jim's hold, and his eyes fell onto Enterprise approaching them at a distance. Theoretically, Leonard knew how big the ship was, knew how many people it housed and how much space it provided, yet from this new perspective she suddenly looked far bigger than he had ever imagined possible. Compared to Enterprise, he felt absolutely dwarfed. And he had never been happier to see the damn tin can in his entire life.  
  
Enterprise didn't approach them, though, instead as they watched, one of the docking bay doors opened and a shuttle emerged, honing in on their position immediately. Jim squeezed his shoulders through the fabric of the EV suit, and Leonard didn't need to see his face and read his lips to know what the other man was trying to tell him.  
  
 _See? I told you they'd come for us._  
  
The shuttle approached them quickly, flying straight towards them at a speed that had Leonard worried about a possible collision before whoever was piloting the small ship flew into a downward arch until it came to a halt right beneath them – or whatever counted for _beneath_ in a place where there was no up or down. Looking down towards the shuttle, Leonard realized that he was kicking his legs slowly, as if he was treading water to keep himself afloat. He hadn't even been aware of it until now, and even he knew that the motion was completely senseless, but it seemed that his body was searching for its own way of coping with this completely absurd situation.  
  
The shuttle held its position beneath them, using maneuvering thrusters to slowly but surely approach their position. Jim's hand tightened around Leonard's shoulder, and he stretched out the other one towards the approaching metal hull. Leonard had been through a few piloting sims himself in his Academy days, and he knew that maneuvering the shuttle in this slow and careful way was delicate work that required a lot of skill and practice. He could only hope that Spock hadn't put an untrained ensign into the pilot's seat in order to give him some practice.  
  
Once the shuttle was within reach, Jim reached for one of the handholds next to the airlock hatch and pulled them against the outer hull. He looked up, and only once he was sure that Leonard had a firm grip on the shuttle himself did he let go off his shoulder and slammed his gloved palm against the airlock twice. The airless silence of space swallowed the sound, but Leonard knew from experience that despite all the insulation, barriers and dampeners, the sound of something slamming against the hull could clearly be heard inside a shuttle.  
  
The thrusters were disengaged immediately, and Jim started to type a command into the outer keypad next to the airlock. For his part, Leonard was clinging to the handhold as if his life depended on it. His life _did_ depend on it, really. If he lost his grip and drifted away – not that he would drift away without added momentum, but still – he didn't know if he could deal with that. Now that he finally had something firm and solid and man-made to hold on to under his hands, he wasn't about to let go anytime soon. He had only gotten through the past minutes since the explosion of the shuttle because Jim had never once let go of him. Without Jim, he'd have gone mad the moment he realized that he was free-floating in frigging _space_.  
  
The airlock opened and Jim grinned at him, blue eyes in stark contrast to the blackness of space behind him as he gestured for Leonard to climb in. And damn it, Leonard was no damsel in distress, even if this whole situation was way out of his comfort zone and his stress levels were approaching an all-time high, but at that moment Leonard couldn't help but feel reassured when Jim reached for his arm again and guided him through the airlock hatch.  
  
There were handrails on the inside, too, and Leonard clung to those too as Jim climbed in behind him and closed the hatch behind them.  
  
It was anticlimactic, really, how quickly the world returned to its axis after that. The only thing Leonard had to do was make sure that he wasn't floating upside down as Jim activated the sequence to initiate artificial gravity and the recompression of the airlock.  
  
After the impenetrable silence, suddenly there were too many sounds at once.  
  
Air was hissing into the room, and their suits clanked against the metal floor as gravity was activated. Somewhere, a computer signal was beeping, and Leonard's own breath sounded harsh and loud in his ears as the comm system activated with a crackle.  
  
"Captain, are you and Doctor McCoy all right? Doctor M'Benga is aboard if you need medical help."  
  
It was a relief to hear Sulu's voice, even if the sudden onset of sounds was too much at once after nothing but silence for so long. Instead of going straight for the comm though, Jim scrambled over towards where Leonard was sagged against the wall. He pulled off his gloves and immediately reached for Leonard's helmet, undoing the seal and pulling it off. The air in the shuttle was colder than that in the suit's system, and he could feel the sweat matting down his hair and running down the back of his neck. Jim's hands were warm against his skin as he reached for Leonard's face and moved in close.  
  
"Bones, are you okay?"  
  
Leonard had to close his eyes against the sudden onslaught of feelings at the sound of Jim's voice, and when he opened them again Jim's face was hovering just a few inches away, blue eyes clouded with worry.  
  
"'m okay," he rasped out. And he was. He just needed a few moments for his body to understand the message. Jim pressed a quick kiss against Leonard's temple before he straightened up and hit the comm button.  
  
"We're good, Sulu. Thanks for the pickup. Just take us back to Enterprise as quickly as possible, we'll be out in a moment."  
  
"Aye, Sir," Sulu replied, but Jim was already kneeling in front of Leonard again, hovering as if he was worried that Leonard was going to keel over any second now.  
  
"I'm good, Jim. I just need a minute. Go on, you need to contact Enterprise."  
  
That was how it worked, after all. Jim was the Captain before all else, and the fact that Leonard was feeling a little queasy from the unexpected spacewalk was no reason for him to put that on the back burner. Jim looked at him for a moment, then he nodded, got up and stretched out a hand to pull Leonard to his feet.  
  
His legs weren't fully convinced that standing up was a good idea right now. In fact, they were feeling suspiciously wobbly and unsteady, and as soon as they stepped out of the airlock Leonard let himself fall into the nearest seat. He almost fell forward in his haste to bring his head down between his knees, breathing hard against the nausea that was suddenly gripping his body tightly, squeezing his stomach and threatening to give his breakfast a chance to make a repeat appearance.  
  
A warm hand settled on the back of his neck and squeezed gently.  
  
"Bones?"  
  
"I'm okay, Jim. Just gimme a moment."  
  
The hand stayed against his neck, even as Jim took a step to the side and activated the comm system.  
  
"Kirk to Enterprise."  
  
"Captain," Spock's voice replied calmly. "I trust you and Doctor McCoy are unharmed?"  
  
"We're good. Listen, do the Caparthians know that the explosion didn't kill us?"  
  
If Spock was surprised by the question, his voice didn't let it on.  
  
"Their technology is not as advanced as ours is. Judged by the information we have, I'd doubt that their sensors would have picked up your life signs at this distance." He made a small pause. "You suspect that the explosion wasn't due to a technical malfunction?"  
  
"I'm sure it wasn't. Someone rigged the outer plasma lines, and once we reached the charged layers of the atmosphere, it started an energy cascade. If whoever did this had been a little more technically versed, there wouldn't have been time for us to get out. There barely was enough time as it was. That was no technical failure, Spock."  
  
Leonard could almost imagine the Vulcan taking in all this information – hands clasped behind his back, head cocked slightly to the side, no readable expression on his face.  
  
"What course of action do you suggest, Captain?"  
  
"I'll be on the Bridge as soon as I can. Until then, don't contact the Caparthians, and if they try to establish contact with us, ignore it. I don't want them to know that we survived the explosion until we have a better idea which of the factions is responsible for this."  
  
"Of course, Captain. Spock out."  
  
Leonard slowly, very slowly, raised his head and straightened up into an upright sitting position as Jim slid into the seat beside him and wrapped his arm around Leonard's shoulder. The expression on his face was carefully blank, but Leonard knew Jim better than that. As so often, the clearest indicator of his mood were his eyes, and right now those blue eyes were shining in icy fury. Leonard knew that it wasn't directed at him, and he didn't envy the stupid Caparthians right now who had thought it was a good idea to try and end these negotiations with a bang.   
  
Still, those bastards had earned whatever was coming at them. And Leonard knew Jim wasn't going to let this one go until he knew exactly who had manipulated that shuttle. Jim took it personally whenever someone was trying to kill him – mostly because Leonard had this tendency to get seriously grumpy and pissed off at Jim whenever that happened, and more often than not Jim ended up confined to the Medical Bay for much longer than he'd like. But it was even worse when someone tried to harm another member of his crew. A lot worse if whatever happened triggered the protectiveness he felt towards Leonard.  
  
Oh yes, those Caparthians had no damn clue what they had let themselves in for, and that was a small light at the end of the tunnel. At least whoever had put them into this situation was going to pay for it.  
  
But even that knowledge didn't help his stress levels any. Now that the adrenaline had faded, it left him feeling empty and shaky, and the mere thought about the fact that he had been floating in space just a few minutes ago made his stomach churn all over again. His hands were shaking, too, and he kept them clasped tightly to hide it.  
  
Jim knew though. Somehow he knew that Leonard was more shaken than he let on, because he silently tightened his hold around Leonard's shoulder as the shuttle glided back into the docking bay and shook slightly as it touched down. Leonard realized only then that he hadn't even thought about strapping himself into the safety harness just once for the entire flight. He couldn't remember that happening before. Ever.  
  
Sulu and M'Benga cleared out of the shuttle as soon as they had touched down, but Jim remained sitting beside Leonard until he finally looked up and met the other man's eyes.   
  
"I'm okay, Jim," he repeated for what felt like the umpteenth time. "I promise."  
  
After a moment, Jim nodded. "Okay. It's just…you scared me, Bones."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's okay. I mean, you got over it, right? That's the main thing, you could control it. And I'm proud of how you handled yourself out there."  
  
Leonard raised an eyebrow at him, but Jim only nodded. "I mean it, Bones. I'm proud of the way you got yourself back under control."  
  
Leonard snorted. "Just my luck that mortal danger and free-floating in space turn on your sap. We should do that more often, maybe the next time I'll get a poem out of you."  
  
Jim punched his arm, an expression of fake outrage on his face, and with a laugh Leonard pulled him in for a kiss.  
  
"Go and be Captain, Jim," he said as they pulled apart. "Let those bastards know that it was a really stupid idea to blow up that shuttle."  
  
Jim still seemed doubtful, even though Leonard was sure he knew it was the only thing he could do right now.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"I'll take myself off duty for the rest of the day, and then I'm going to get up, close and personal with that bottle of Beluvian Scotch you've been planning to hide until my birthday."  
  
At Jim's surprised look, Leonard couldn't help but laugh. "Some people actually clean _under_ the bed occasionally. It's a great concept, you should try it out sometime."  
  
Jim rolled his eyes and pressed another quick kiss to Leonard's lips before he got up and turned towards the exit hatch. "I'll come join you as soon as I can. Save some for me."  
  
"You know I will."  
  
Another quick smile, and Jim was gone. Leonard remained sitting where he was for a few moments longer, until he was sure that his legs were steady enough to carry him all the way back to their quarters. He had a bottle Beluvian Scotch with his name on it waiting for him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Leonard didn't see it, but those crewmembers who were present on the Bridge during the first contact with the Caparthians after the explosion talked about it for a long time. It must have been a sight to behold, confused and surprised Caparthian delegates and one extremely pissed off Captain included. As Uhura told it, Jim hadn't even let the Caparthians get a word in between as he told them in no uncertain terms that all negotiations were off the table until the ones who had manipulated the shuttle confessed to what they had done and faced the consequences.  
  
Starfleet Command had been informed of the situation, and until a decision was made about how to proceed and new orders came in, Enterprise remained in orbit around Caparthia.  
  
Leonard didn't care. He wasn't aware of what was happening on the Bridge. Instead, he spent the rest of the day in their quarters. He allowed himself one glass of the Beluvian Scotch, but saved the rest of the bottle up for some other time, preferably one when he could share it with Jim. Instead of getting mindlessly and hopelessly shitfaced, he busied himself with overdue paperwork and did everything he could to avoid looking out of the porthole into the blackness of space beyond.  
  
Looking out into space hadn't bothered him in a long time, but for the first time in years he drew the blinds over the porthole that night. Jim didn't say anything about it as he slid into bed beside Leonard. It didn't take many words as they moved towards one another, either, stripping down clothes they needn't have bothered with in the first place. But even if they didn't speak much, their lovemaking wasn't silent. For the first time since their return from Caparthia, Leonard felt himself truly relax to the sound of soft sighs, heavy breathing, and skin shifting against skin.  
  
They fell asleep like that, tangled up in and around each other. And each time Leonard woke up that night, legs jerking at the memory of trying to find purchase against emptiness, heart beating wildly in his chest as he desperately tried to gulp in as much air as he could, Jim tightened his arms around him, shifting them even closer until they were lying skin against skin from head to toe.  
  
"It's okay, Bones. I've got you."  
  
And Leonard believed him. Had believed him earlier, too, when they had been drifting through the emptiness of space. But it was good to finally hear it.  
  
  
 _ **The End**  
_


End file.
